Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
