It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And then he peed in my hair
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize