thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're like the curious george of whores
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
