Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
