wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
