Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
