i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
