you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
