it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
