I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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