As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
