u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
