After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
