And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
