so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
