I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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