Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
