My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize