i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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