Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
