i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
