Yo dont text me then not text me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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