Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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