let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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