At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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