the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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