Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
