I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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