Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
