Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
