Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
