she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
