just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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