I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
