My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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