i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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