and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
