my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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