Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize