What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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