i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
