Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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