ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize