I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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