well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize