I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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