I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did you get engaged???
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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