he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
