You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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