I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
