so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
