I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
