your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
