Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
