I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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