I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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