your thong is hanging out like whoa
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
