do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
