there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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