you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
