hell yes lets make some ravioli
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
