you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
