Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
