Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
