i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
