around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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