Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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