So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
