??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize