I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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