Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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