We're facebook friends in real life
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
