i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
