Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
