I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
