Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
