The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
