Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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