it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
