He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
