Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
