never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
