Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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