so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
