batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
