yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
