If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
