New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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