Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
