I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
