i wish starbucks made bloody marys
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
