I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
