i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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