I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
