dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
