My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
