I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
