He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
