Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize