Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize