Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize