It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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