Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize